The Baitullah, Makkah Al Mukarramah

Subhanallah :)

Praised be to Allah for all his blessings, I am holding an invitation from Him to the Baitullah, for the second time, Alhamdulillah. 

I can't believe I am among the lucky ones to get the invitation from Him and I know he heard all of my prayers, I know without His will, this would never have been possible. I love you, Allah.

I have so much to ask from Him, so much to thank for, and I hope I'm gonna remember all of them. I hope I'm gonna be able to use all my time there to repent, to reflect back, to worship Him and to repent and repent and repent. I hope He will accept my visit and grant me His blessings.

I hope I will return as a new person, upgraded version of myself. 

And I would like to take this opportunity to seek forgiveness from all my blog readers, anonymous or not, I'm sorry for all my wrongdoings, I know I am not perfect, I am deeply flawed and I am so sorry.

Pray for me, pretty please? 

Hmm, nak tulis tapi tak tahu nak mula dari mana. Dari tadi stuck dekat first paragraph.

I wanted to share my experience sebenarnya, tapi kalau nak tulis formal bunyinya terlalu pelik and nak susun ayat pun macam stuck so i'll just write it macam I sembang dengan my friends.

Okay, so topic hari ini ada kaitan dengan first phrase by Yasmin Mogahed kat atas tu.

Here's the thing, I selalu tertanya-tanya how can a good person, a person that prays, orang yang baca Al-Quran, orang yang sayangkan ibu bapa dia, orang yang sangat pemurah, orang yang well, boleh dikatakan baik can do horrible things. ( yes, there are people like that)

It took a long time for me to find the answer. I was listening to Ustaz Kazim's lecture in the car and remember him saying this.

Iman,

Iman yang setiasa meningkat dan bertambah ialah iman para Rasul dan Nabi,
Iman yang tetap dan tidak akan berubah ialah iman para Malaikat.
Iman yang tidak tetap, yang sentiasa turun dan naik ialah iman manusia.


That's why, sebaik mana sekalipun orang itu, dia takkan terlepas dari buat kesalahan sebab iman manusia sentiasa turun dan naik.


Hidayah juga boleh diberi dan dicabut oleh Allah pada bila-bila masa sahaja. So, if you happen to encounter with people like this, make lots of dua for them (kadang-kadang diri kita sendiri pun macam tu). So sentiasa berdoa semoga terus kekal dalam hidayah Allah untuk bersolat, to do good deeds and yang paling penting doakan semoga terbuka hati untuk tinggalkan semua perkara buruk yang dilakukan.

Semoga kita mencintai apa yang Allah cintai dan benci semua yang Allah benci.

”Whoever loves for Allah’s sake, hates for Allah’s sake, gives for Allah’s sake and withholds for Allah’s sake has a perfect faith.” (Abu Dawud)

One more thing,

Dulu, ada few of my girlfriends tanya macam mana I survived after going through horrible break up. Mula-mula dulu i only boleh cakap sabar, and act strong, remember all the bad things about him so that you can forget him. Haaaa, that is not entirely true because then, I really don't know what to say cause i'm still coping.

What I know then, was i felt empty inside and I know that, this emptiness is not something that a man can replace. I know that i'm missing something much more and I realize that I used to love my ex boyfriend more than anything in this world. That's my biggest mistake.

I neglected my duties as His servant. I pray but I don't really know why I pray. I take lightly about aurah, I was busy enjoying this worldly pleasure I forget that the reason of my existence is to seek more than this worldly enjoyment. It's in the life hereafter.

What I know now, is that in order to love others, I must first love my creator, the Almighty, then to love His Messenger, to love my parents and family, and to love myself, then and only then I can love others. I know now that I don't need a 'boyfriend' to feel complete or whole cause i know, as long as I love Allah and remember Him, He will love and remember me.

That's the power of dependency on Allah. That's His promise.