Siapa cakap masak tu susah, leceh, tak reti, takde bakat, takde idea, tak ada bahan?

No expectation, no disappointment.

How time flies, I have been single for almost a year now. You see, there are a lot of friends asking me,

Well sadly, NO.

It's not that no one approached, there are few decent guys that I like, in fact there was this one guy I really liked but things didn't work out, due to distance and whatnot. I do not block my self from those emotion, intimacy sort of things but I guess I am simply not ready.

I've been through hell of a break up and I fell flat on my face several times, because I was expecting too much from the relationship, I loved that person hell much to realize that things were already broken, I put a lot of hope in something that i am not sure of. I did everything I can to make things work, and again with high expectation that things will not fall apart.

Boy, was I wrong.

I was devastated during the early stage of the break up, it was just a really dark time for me. I was too broken inside its beyond repair, and i don't know why, somehow i feel like im still not content, I don't feel whole. I was struggling, having to juggle between studies, dealing with pain and shame. It was definitely not easy. I realize now that my ex-boyfriend was never my property, and I can't make someone love me, or stay faithful to me if he choose the other way around. I have to live with the fact that we're not meant to be together. As simple as that.

As i moved on, I need to live up to other people's expectation.

" Jangan risau, nanti dapat lelaki yang lagi baik, lagi handsome, lagi kaya, lagi budiman, lagi berhati mulia, lagi comel, perfect, jalan tak kengkang, bulu hidung trim, tak curang, muscle kental."

Alhamdulillah. People are praying good things for me but it leaves me with thoughts that someday I must end up with this idea of perfect gentleman. So scary man, how do i find him?? It's unreal. Flaws make us real, make us who we are.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the future, will I ever find 'the right person', and all the what if-s.

"What if i end up alone?"

"What if 'my right person' never come find me?"

"What if i end up with Mr wrong and have to go through the break up again?"

Scary, I tell you.

It's okay, I figure that all I can do is improve myself, try to be a better person and leave everything in God's hand.

Long rant today. I just feel like i need to speak out, thats all.

I had a great weekend filled with comfort food and good bonding time with my family.

We gathered at my auntie's house at Manjung to visit my Opah because she was sick but Alhamdulillah she's progressing and now she's getting better.

It was a really good time catching up, Opah seemed very happy to see her grandchildren around. Sometimes that simple little thing we do can make our old folks happy.

We had family lunch together since most of my aunts and cousins are around and when it comes to food, we do it big.

You see my cousin drooling over that Kambing bakar? I mean who had Kambing Bakar Golek for family lunch? Thats quite a festive, I must say.

Ikan kembong bakar with Air Asam. Can't get enough of this goodness.

Had a little BBQ.

I had a fun fun weekend. I made cuppies and roasted chicken for Sunday dinner at home. Will blog about it soon. :)

I just turned two months old yesterday. I love my Mommy, Uncle Benji and my (human) family. My family is so cool.

Now that I am two months old, I can walk, run, jump, climb and swing in my cage. AWESOME :)

I also have my own sandbox now. I love to play with my sandbox but I have to poop and pee in it. Euw.

My most favorite thing in the world is to play peek a boo. I also play with balloons, ping pong ball, key chains, onions, ice cubes and my food but they're kinda boring. I also love to run around the house and roll on the floor with my mummy. Yesterday, i climbed four staircase and then I got scolded. I also wants to play with Uncle Benji but Uncle Benji is so lazy. He dowan to play with me :(

I can eat solid food now, I always wonder how it taste like when I watch mummy eat it and now i can taste it. It is so yummy but they told me I can't eat that. They will give me baby catfood to munch on. So unfair!

Kenapa ibu saya awesome?

Tak, ibu saya bukan kerja pangkat besar, pengurus projek mega, income puluh-puluh ribu, ibu saya juga agak noob, takde facebook, twitter, ym semua tak ada. Beliau cuma hanya sms dan call sahaja tapi sekarang mula berjinak-jinak dalam dunia bbm. Good job mom! But she's still awesome.

Why?

Sebab letak daun bunga raya kat kepala masa i baby sebab susah sangat nak tumbuh rambut. Dah la anak perempuan sulung, mama dah kempunan nak ikatkan tocang, so hari-hari mama letak daun bunga raya, maka hasilnya. Tadaaa, rambut i extra volume gittew. Thanks ma.

Sebab bagi i susu cap gantung sampai umur tiga tahun lebih. Sampai mama kene letak colgate baru reti nak stop. Pointnya sekarang, orang kata, kalau minum susu ibu lebih, nanti dah besar jadi pandai, bukan setakat pandai, cantik, bersopan santun, lemah lembut, pandai masak. HAHAHA sudah-sudah la tu perasan.

Sebab mama masak Rendang ayam kampung, Daging jawa, Daging dendeng yang paling tersedap di dunia, and she's not even jawa. Tapi agak tidak fair kerana badan i dengan adik-adik i membelon, tapi mama tetap maintain.

Sebab mama pandai buat gubahan masakan pengantin paling cantik dan sedap, dari kecik lagi dah duduk dapur tengok mama masak dan buat gubah lauk pengantin, sebab nak makan buah-buah dengan lauk yang berlebih tapi sekarang dah boleh ikut jejak langkah mama.

Sebab mama sangat humble. kawan-kawan mama majoriti dibaluti designer brands, kasut handbag, dan kereta-kereta posh, tapi mama tetap maintain cool dengan kasut Crocodile dan kereta buatan malaysia sahaja. Buat apa membazir, asalkan selesa katanya. Sesekali boleh lah.

But most of all, sebab mama sangat penyayang, penyabar, mama jugak seorang guru yang baik. Mama taught me everything, Dari ABC, 124, Alif Ba Ta, Iqra', kemahiran rumah tangga. Semuanya. Mama jugak sabar mendidik kami 5 beradik, tak pernah jemu tegur mana yang salah walaupun kadang-kadang ada yang kepala batu. Langsung tak mengeluh.

My mom is the queen of my heart, My mom is the awesomest!

Happy Mothers Day and I love you soo much.